Tonight was our small towns Christmas parade, we (my daughter, son-in-law) and myself took my 20 month old grandaughter, the merriment and laughter coming from her was infectious, we all had a good time. We didn't stay for it all as it was extremely cold and we just couldn't take but about 35 minutes of it. Luckily we live downtown and it was only about a 5 minutes walk back home. Saturday evening my daughter, husband and I are taking her to The Night before Christmas event downtown, luckily that involves going in and out of the small shops with free treats, music and a short play, I'm looking forward to this and hope it's a little warmer.
Tomorrow is the last day of new hire and I'm so glad, it's been a very long week. Next week we start training and the following week to work, I'm so ready to get into a routine and move on with my life.
Closing for now. Have a good evening and God Bless.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
yet again
Woke up at 2 am again, feeling the same as yesterday at the same time, finally got up and decided to record this in the blog. Please pray for me.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
update
Good morning;
I say that to be polite,because it is anything but. I've been up since 2 am, the first 30 minutes of that I spent crying and feeling lots of pain and heartache. I finally got up at 3 am and dressed for work, though it's several hours befor I head there. So I headed out, to where I didn't know. I pulled out of the driveway, but due to the area I live in and the time of morning I had only 2 choices, Walmart or Waffle House, so due to the need of a few items I headed of course to Walmart. I had hoped to kill a couple hours looking around but the stock clerks were everywhere as were lots of pallets of merchandise, so after about 45 minutes I checked out and brought my items back to the house.
It's 15 degrees out and rather windy but it felt good to me when I stepped out into the morning. When I got home and put away my items I decided I'd fix myself some hot cocoa and a couple pieces of toast, it was filling and tasty as I rarely do bread anymore, after finishing I went to the bathroom and decided to straighten my hair (I was going to just wear it tied up today) as I had so much time to kill before heading to work (due in at 8am). I got that done, checked email, read headlines, checked local events for my town and still it wasn't even 600am so I decided to write in this blog.
Isn't my life a bowl of cherries. But at least I have a life, as so many in this world lost theirs last night. I do love my life, my family, my God, I'm just like all of you though I have junk that creeps in. Wouldn't life be much easier if people thought of others before themselves, cared how others felt or might feel. I put myself first earlier this year and while something good came from it, more bad came from it, I can tell you I learned a number of valuable lessons and I wont be forgetting them. In this season of giving and sharing, do BOTH and let the gift be YOU, your smile, your time, your love it's truly the greatest gift of all you know.
Have a wonderful day :)
I say that to be polite,because it is anything but. I've been up since 2 am, the first 30 minutes of that I spent crying and feeling lots of pain and heartache. I finally got up at 3 am and dressed for work, though it's several hours befor I head there. So I headed out, to where I didn't know. I pulled out of the driveway, but due to the area I live in and the time of morning I had only 2 choices, Walmart or Waffle House, so due to the need of a few items I headed of course to Walmart. I had hoped to kill a couple hours looking around but the stock clerks were everywhere as were lots of pallets of merchandise, so after about 45 minutes I checked out and brought my items back to the house.
It's 15 degrees out and rather windy but it felt good to me when I stepped out into the morning. When I got home and put away my items I decided I'd fix myself some hot cocoa and a couple pieces of toast, it was filling and tasty as I rarely do bread anymore, after finishing I went to the bathroom and decided to straighten my hair (I was going to just wear it tied up today) as I had so much time to kill before heading to work (due in at 8am). I got that done, checked email, read headlines, checked local events for my town and still it wasn't even 600am so I decided to write in this blog.
Isn't my life a bowl of cherries. But at least I have a life, as so many in this world lost theirs last night. I do love my life, my family, my God, I'm just like all of you though I have junk that creeps in. Wouldn't life be much easier if people thought of others before themselves, cared how others felt or might feel. I put myself first earlier this year and while something good came from it, more bad came from it, I can tell you I learned a number of valuable lessons and I wont be forgetting them. In this season of giving and sharing, do BOTH and let the gift be YOU, your smile, your time, your love it's truly the greatest gift of all you know.
Have a wonderful day :)
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Pain
Good morning to all,
Hope each and everyone who reads this is having a good day and is happy with themselves.
Today is a good day thus far for me. I slept well, woke up to snow flurries and cool temperatures. This is my kind of weather.
Well to get to the point of my title (Pain) today as I said is a good day. The pain I've been feeling about my marriage is lessening. I love my husband more than anything as I've stated before, but I think I'm coming to grips with the possibility that he may never want to resume our marriage. I'm not however giving up on my marriage, just being sensible.
Hope each and everyone who reads this is having a good day and is happy with themselves.
Today is a good day thus far for me. I slept well, woke up to snow flurries and cool temperatures. This is my kind of weather.
Well to get to the point of my title (Pain) today as I said is a good day. The pain I've been feeling about my marriage is lessening. I love my husband more than anything as I've stated before, but I think I'm coming to grips with the possibility that he may never want to resume our marriage. I'm not however giving up on my marriage, just being sensible.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Consequences
I'm living with the consequences of my recent action of moving away and leaving my family.
I moved away for 32 days and on the 13th day I was gone my husband of 34 years started talking with another woman. I moved back 25 days ago and he is still seeing her and living away from me. He talks and sees her everyday, while I don't get this pleasure.
I love this man more than anything on this earth.
My crisis (for lack of a better word) that sent me searching for myself 2 months ago has cost me dearly. While he says he loves me, my husband is not able to forget all I put him through the last 8 months, and doesn't know if time will change that or not. I understand his feelings and I deserve the pain I'm suffering for my mistake. I have ask for his forgiveness and pray each day that someday I'll get it. Love as strong and long as ours has to mean something and I hope he'll see that.
Our children were needless to say upset and hurt with me when I left and now those feelings apply to their dad. The main difference is that he is seeing this other woman and especially at this time of the year, their feeling like he's choosing her over them. I'm trying to help them understand his position as he did when I went away but they say he's changed in so many different ways, they feel uncomfortable with everyday conversations with him as his reactions and outlook on things is so different from before.
If anyone reads this and your a praying and believing person, PLEASE put my family in your PRAYERS, ask that the Lord put our family back together and that we will love and appreciate each other as we should. TALK, PRAY, BELIEVE IN EACH OTHER, we can't take back what we've done, but we can learn from our mistakes. LOVE is the greatest gift God gives us, don't waste yours.
Dennis if by chance you read this, please remember I LOVE YOU more than I'll ever be able to express to you, but I'd love the opportunity to try, for the rest of our lives.
I moved away for 32 days and on the 13th day I was gone my husband of 34 years started talking with another woman. I moved back 25 days ago and he is still seeing her and living away from me. He talks and sees her everyday, while I don't get this pleasure.
I love this man more than anything on this earth.
My crisis (for lack of a better word) that sent me searching for myself 2 months ago has cost me dearly. While he says he loves me, my husband is not able to forget all I put him through the last 8 months, and doesn't know if time will change that or not. I understand his feelings and I deserve the pain I'm suffering for my mistake. I have ask for his forgiveness and pray each day that someday I'll get it. Love as strong and long as ours has to mean something and I hope he'll see that.
Our children were needless to say upset and hurt with me when I left and now those feelings apply to their dad. The main difference is that he is seeing this other woman and especially at this time of the year, their feeling like he's choosing her over them. I'm trying to help them understand his position as he did when I went away but they say he's changed in so many different ways, they feel uncomfortable with everyday conversations with him as his reactions and outlook on things is so different from before.
If anyone reads this and your a praying and believing person, PLEASE put my family in your PRAYERS, ask that the Lord put our family back together and that we will love and appreciate each other as we should. TALK, PRAY, BELIEVE IN EACH OTHER, we can't take back what we've done, but we can learn from our mistakes. LOVE is the greatest gift God gives us, don't waste yours.
Dennis if by chance you read this, please remember I LOVE YOU more than I'll ever be able to express to you, but I'd love the opportunity to try, for the rest of our lives.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
update
Work reared it's ugly head and Dennis didn't get to bring Lorelei to visit me Halloween weekend, I of course ended up being off and spent the two days couped up in my hotel room. I did still recieve a couple of pictures of her in her halloween costume thanks to poppie's cell phone. She was the most beautiful of LADYBUGS.
Then yesterday I decided to come back home. Yes, I know I wimped out and came back to security or did I.
I really came back because my daughter and mother are battling some health issues and require some assistance, and if a mom and daughter can't supply that, then that make that mom and daughter a sorry ass-ed human. I'm not that selfish and so decided to go where I'm needed, for as long as I'm needed.
I will however miss Durham and the new friends I made.
Then yesterday I decided to come back home. Yes, I know I wimped out and came back to security or did I.
I really came back because my daughter and mother are battling some health issues and require some assistance, and if a mom and daughter can't supply that, then that make that mom and daughter a sorry ass-ed human. I'm not that selfish and so decided to go where I'm needed, for as long as I'm needed.
I will however miss Durham and the new friends I made.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Updating
Hi , it's 6:00 am on Sunday morning, I've been up since 4:30 am. Had a good nights sleep, (took an ambien) at 7:30 pm and got my full 8 hours it promised to deliver. This was much needed as I hadn't slept through the night in at least 4 days. I was first worried that the job I had accepted was going to fall through, as I hadn't heard back from them, then when they did call I was nervous about my capabilities. Anyway yesterday was orientation and all went well, so I was relieved and exhausted.
Yesterday was also the wedding day of my only niece (yes I missed it) though I doubt she noticed. My brother on the other hand may never forgive me, you see it's been my husbands family that has stood and is still standing by me in my decision to leave, not so of my own family. Dennis and the kids all went though, they've said it was a beautiful wedding and Wendy took lots of pictures for me to see. She's going to email them to me today when they get back home. The wedding was in Florida, in my home town, 10 or so hours from where I am right now.
I do hate that I misses it, and if work hadn't called I had planned to go (stares and whispers behind my back be damned), but fate stepped in I guess and saved me (or them) the drama that would probably have surfaced it's ugly head, (that's just the female population of my family), lots of nosey drama queens.
On to other things. My grandaughter is going to have her first trick or treat this year (she was only 7 months old last year) and to young to go door to door. I of course am going to miss it, as I'm sure I'll have to work and it falling on the weekend, but again there will be lots of pictures taken. She will be here with her Poppie on the Friday night and Saturday before, so I'll at least get to see her in her costume and give her my trick or treat goodies (books).
Yesterday was also the wedding day of my only niece (yes I missed it) though I doubt she noticed. My brother on the other hand may never forgive me, you see it's been my husbands family that has stood and is still standing by me in my decision to leave, not so of my own family. Dennis and the kids all went though, they've said it was a beautiful wedding and Wendy took lots of pictures for me to see. She's going to email them to me today when they get back home. The wedding was in Florida, in my home town, 10 or so hours from where I am right now.
I do hate that I misses it, and if work hadn't called I had planned to go (stares and whispers behind my back be damned), but fate stepped in I guess and saved me (or them) the drama that would probably have surfaced it's ugly head, (that's just the female population of my family), lots of nosey drama queens.
On to other things. My grandaughter is going to have her first trick or treat this year (she was only 7 months old last year) and to young to go door to door. I of course am going to miss it, as I'm sure I'll have to work and it falling on the weekend, but again there will be lots of pictures taken. She will be here with her Poppie on the Friday night and Saturday before, so I'll at least get to see her in her costume and give her my trick or treat goodies (books).
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